Hearts & Bones

I am not much of a writer. Honestly, I am not much of a thinker. However, I do think about some things, and with my luck, those things tend to come around two in the morning.

I think people take for granted the effectiveness and availability of daily inquiry.

"Hey man, can you hand me my telephone?"

"Yo, do you mind waking me up in the morning?"

"What's the score?"

Answers are increasingly easy to get. Arguing with your friend whether that was Harvey Keitel or Joe Pesci? Look it up! IMDB that shit! Wiki it! Google it! Hell, Twitter it and let us all know who was right! Why not?!

Think about how much better life would be if you could get an answer as quickly and completely as the information on a news ticker. That would be badass.

For starters, going out to the movies or dinner would be like clockwork. There would not be any lengthy dialog about how you don't want to go see Batman or eat Japanese food. You just do it.

I guess I am being a bit of a dork here, but you would spare the bullshit and make a decision. Praise God! Hallelujah! It would be simple. No picking an outfit for 30 minutes. No stops for gas or plans for later.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish everyone was a little less indecisive. I know I do it. I'm horrible about making a quick decision. I need time to consider my options and make the best choice. I check and then I double check. I ask around for other people's opinion. I read up on it.

Maybe life would be a little more interesting if I just made a decision. I just don't think I will ever be able to pick a path and stick to it.

I'm tired. I'm delirious. I'm barely aware of what I'm writing.

I think the older people get, the more tired of the bullshit they get. You've heard it all. You know every trick in the book. I feel old. I don't feel warn or frayed or physically altered... it's just something else. People take the fight out of me. It's not so much a fight to do what I want, it's the exact opposite.

I spend an absurd amount of my time not being myself so that I can be socially accepted and don't have to deal with the bullshit. I really feel like some days I go especially out of my way so that no one is offended or upset or uncomfortable. After all this time though I am just starting to care less and less about what other people think. I don't know that that is a good thing. Some people would be all for not giving a damn, but its something different. It's not that I don't care, because I do. It's just that I'm tired.

Think about it this way. If all the gays came out and all the assholes and perverts and lovers and mothers got over their shit and just were themselves, everyone would be a lot less exhausted and a lot more comfortable with each other.

"Dan is a real prick."
" Well yeah, I know. We just hang out with the for the XBox."
"What does he hang out with you for?"
"The tits."

Easy. You hang out with Dan, the ass, for a little Halo, and Dan hangs out with you to gander at your rack and flirt with your roommates.

There is no veil there. It's just an open compromise where everyone involved is aware and happy with their situation.

There is nothing wrong with being human. Equally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to relax and play a few games. Want to play games for six hours at a time? Why not? You only live once. If you are happy spending your time leveling your paladin, so be it. Just don't bitch about being pale and not having any cash to pay for your water bill.

If people know what to do with the truth then they won't ever be disappointed, no matter what that truth may be.

Accepting the facts, or the truth as it may be, as a whole is not that difficult. It's a black and white decision. Either P or Q. Not and, or if, or only if. Just one or the other. Once you accept the truth, the hard part is done.

I am tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

From this day forth, I am going to cut as much bullshit out of my life as possible. If I want to sleep until noon then that's exactly what I am going to do. My life may be in a mold, but it certainly does not fit so that the plaster of my life pops out as seamless and smooth as it went in.

I put a lot of value on my brain. Unfortunately, it's like an artifact I display in a glass case. Worth millions to someone, but unused, on exhibit, serving no purpose other than that of aesthetic requirement.

What's the point in having an idea or a vision if it will never be illustrated? If I want to be entertained I'll kill some Nazi zombies via Call of Duty.

I could write more totally absurd gibberish, but I'm very much looking forward to passing out on the pull out couch.

Today was a wonderful day. I remembered the love I have for four very dear family members, who memories are yet to be made with.

I have a sunburn, brain zaps, and ADD, but I appreciate and adore the Walkers. Let the record show I haven't taken them for granted.

I am going to start living. Hopefully I can throw in a little more truth and sweep out a little more poo. I'll let you know how that turns out.