For the longest time I have been writing poorly through various outlets. It seems like every several months or so, I get the urge to write, knowing full well that no one at all will read what it is that I write. Luckily, that's not stopping me.
Over the past few days, I have been dragging my feet through Great Expectations. So far, I'm enjoying the book. Unfortunately, since my reason for reading it is coming about Monday morning, I doubt I'll finish it. While I read, the seeming lack of progress nags at me until I am forced to put it down and distract my attention. I get better at discouraging my self as each chapter passes, knowing that my efforts are in vain. It aggravates me so much because I enjoy the book, but it seems inevitable that I'll have to resort to watching some poorly adapted version of it online some way or another. I hate doing that. I shouldn't rob myself at the only subject I remotely enjoy.
On top of that, I have been distantly aggravated by the urge to feed my WoW addiction. An addiction to video games is a hard one to explain. This might be dramatic, but it's sort of like trying to explain PMS or depression to someone who is lucky enough to not have to go through with those things. I have spent countless days of my life and numerous dollars from my wallet on games. I'm not going to bother trying to explain the weight of it today. It's much to heavy.
Speaking of addictions, I managed to quit smoking. I said I would quit after the last of my exams in May, and by God I did it! I am still in awe of my resistance. I smoked for 6 long years. I spent thousands of dollars on my crutch. Don't doubt my will, but do take into consideration the lengths I went to to quit.
Conveniently enough, I smoked my final Marlboro a Sunday morning a few days prior to my operation. I read a book called The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr as suggested by a friend of mine and some how it got me in the right mind set to kick the vice. Fortunately, it was time for me to have my "wisdom" teeth cut out of my head. What an experience. I was so fucked up and high on pain killers for a week that I didn't think about smoking once. The physical urge passed with the day and I could think of nothing but the blood in my mouth and the swimming in my head. The most priceless thing about that experience was all the reassurance I got from friends and family.
"Oh, it's nothing at all! You will recover in just a few days! Don't waste time worrying!"
Even tonight, months after the ordeal, I raise a well placed finger to the people that tried to sugar coat that incapacitating experience. Writing about it now, I can remember the pain that I was in. I sometimes wondered about how wonderful it would be if I were waited on hand and foot, while getting as much sleep as I could, and watching as much The Price Is Right! as I could stomach. Well, I found out.
Oh I slept! I slept for days. I was on my neighbors couch for a week. I couldn't eat. When I woke from sleep it wasn't because I was refreshed, it was because I needed to dope myself up some more. Despite the fact that the medication made me disoriented and weak, I chose it over the brain-splitting headaches that would ensue if I tried to spare myself the incompetence. It was absolutely miserable. Imagine trying to fight a yawn for the sake of the gaping wounds in the back of your head. I couldn't even laugh at Drew Carry's sarcasm and blatant boredom without filling my mouth with blood.
Smartly, I foresaw this ordeal as the perfect opportunity to wave farewell to my favorite past-time; filling myself with the warm enveloping smoke that recklessly emitted from a Marlboro Red.
Was it worth it? Of course. I'm going to save my life and my money. I'll smell a little better and my teeth and fingers won't be marked with yellow grime. I admit, however, that I can't deny my mental addiction. 6 years of wonderful memories were formed around Phillip Morris and rock 'n' roll. The Elizabeth that I have known for so long feels somewhat incomplete without a pack of Marlboros to her name.
Yet it seems I am a different person than I was before.
Until next time.
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